Cat Haiku

You have to be a cat lover to enjoy these!

The food in my bowl

Is old, and more to the point

Contains no tuna.

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There's no dignity

In being sick - which is why

I don't tell you where.

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Seeking solitude

I am locked in the closet.

For once I need you.

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Tiny can, dumped in

Plastic bowl. Presentation,

One star; service: none.

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Am I in your way?

You seem to have it backwards:

This pillow's taken.

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Your mouth is moving;

Up and down, emitting noise.

I've lost interest.

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The dog wags his tail,

Seeking approval. See mine?

Different message.

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My brain: walnut-sized.

Yours: largest among primates.

Yet, who leaves for work?

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Most problems can be

Ignored. The more difficult

Ones can be slept through.

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My affection is conditional.

Don't stand up,

It's your lap I love.

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Cats can't steal the breath

Of children. But if my tail's

Pulled again, I'll learn.

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I don't mind being

Teased, any more than you mind

A skin graft or two.

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So you call this thing

Your "cat carrier." I call

These my "blades of death."

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Toy mice, dancing yarn

Meowing sounds. I'm convinced:

You're an idiot.

----

You never feed me.

Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.

That will show you.

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You must scratch me there!

Yes, above my tail! Behold,

elevator butt.

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I need a new toy.

Tail of black dog keeps good time.

Pounce! good dog! good dog!

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The rule for today.

Touch my tail, I shred your hand.

New rule tomorrow.

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In deep sleep hear sound

Cat vomit hairball somewhere.

Will find in morning.

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Grace personified

I leap into the window

I meant to do that

----

Blur of motion, then-

Silence, me, a paper bag

What is so funny?

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The mighty hunter

Returns with gifts of plump birds

Your foot just squashed one.

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You're always typing

Well, let's see you ignore my

Sitting on your hands.

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My small cardboard box

You cannot see me if I

Can just hide my head.

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Terrible battle

I fought for hours. Come and see!

What's a "term paper"?

----

Kitty likes plastic

Confuses for litter box

Don't leave tarp around

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Small brave carnivores

Kill pine cones and mosquitoes

Fear vacuum cleaner

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Want to trim my claws

Don't even think about it!

My yelps will wake the dead

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I want to be close

To you. Can I fit my head

inside your armpit?

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Wanna go outside.

Oh, no! Help! I got outside!

Let me back inside!

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Oh no! Big One

has been trapped by newspaper.

Cat to the rescue!

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Humans are so strange.

Mine lies still in the bed, then screams!

My claws aren't that sharp....

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Cats meow out of angst

"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!

We could break so much"

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Litter box not there

You must have moved it again

I'll crap in the sink

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The Big Ones snore now

Every room is dark and cold

time for "Cup Hockey"