Reasons dogs don't use computers

1. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '98.

2. Fetch command not available on all platforms.

3. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.

4. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.

5. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."

6. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.

7. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing http://www.pethouse.com instead of working.

8. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.

9. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.

10. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail wagging.

11. Waiting for the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.

12. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome

13. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...

14. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.

15. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.

16. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.

17. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

18. TpO HAqRD TO TgYPE WITyH PAzWS.